Monday
Jul092012
the gift of going second {in leadership}
Monday, July 9, 2012 at 9:52AM
more often lately, i'm doing my best as a leader to give the gift of going second. i share my struggles first in order to give those i lead the opportunity to speak second and freely.
when the other person goes first: when leading a meeting with a staff or volunteer whom i lead, i'd typically ask personal questions in order to provide a pastoral leadership. i'd ask: how are you really doing? how is your spirit? how are things in your personal life? is your marriage strong? are your children growing in faith?
but, those can be jarring questions. especially when discussing with your supervisor. and especially when you're the only person sharing.
when the other person goes second: now, i'm trying to take the lead on these questions. sharing first about things that are difficult and super personal for me. and not in a monopolizing-the-conversation way, but as a way to share common ground. i'll usually say a few sentences about myself and then immediately follow up with do you ever feel that way? does your spirit feel tired, too? how has your experience been different?
i've been amazed to see just how deep the conversation can go when given the opportunity to go second. the conversation becomes a natural space in which to share true feelings and honest life stories that result in spiritual growth moments. and, this is why i lead. to care for and contribute to the growth of others.
give it a try.
next time you find yourself in a one-on-one meeting with someone you lead, give that person the gift of going second. it's a beautiful, faith-filled, generous gift.
when you go first, you give everyone in your church or your community or your small group or your blog, the gift of going second. it’s so much harder to be first. no one knows what’s off limits yet and you’re setting the boundaries with your words. you’re throwing yourself on the honesty grenade and taking whatever fall out that comes with it. going second is so much easier. and the ease only grows exponentially as people continue to share. but it has to be started somewhere. someone has to go first and i think it has to be us.
we’re called to give the gift of second to the people in our lives.
to live the truth, to share the truth, to be the truth.
-jon acuff in confessing safe sins
when the other person goes first: when leading a meeting with a staff or volunteer whom i lead, i'd typically ask personal questions in order to provide a pastoral leadership. i'd ask: how are you really doing? how is your spirit? how are things in your personal life? is your marriage strong? are your children growing in faith?
but, those can be jarring questions. especially when discussing with your supervisor. and especially when you're the only person sharing.
when the other person goes second: now, i'm trying to take the lead on these questions. sharing first about things that are difficult and super personal for me. and not in a monopolizing-the-conversation way, but as a way to share common ground. i'll usually say a few sentences about myself and then immediately follow up with do you ever feel that way? does your spirit feel tired, too? how has your experience been different?
i've been amazed to see just how deep the conversation can go when given the opportunity to go second. the conversation becomes a natural space in which to share true feelings and honest life stories that result in spiritual growth moments. and, this is why i lead. to care for and contribute to the growth of others.
give it a try.
next time you find yourself in a one-on-one meeting with someone you lead, give that person the gift of going second. it's a beautiful, faith-filled, generous gift.
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